A Fatherless Father’s Day
Greetings Readers & Friends,
It's Father's Day. And for those who have been following me thus far, you know that this day represents a whole situation for me. However given that lives stimulate lives, I wanted to share my thoughts on this situation in hopes that it helps someone else.
There are experiences in life that are guaranteed to be repeatable……. some good, some bad. Father’s Day is that reiterative experience for me. For me this day is THE MOST HARDEST day of the 365 days that a year is comprised of. It’s because I have not mastered the ability to celebrate my father on Father’s Day without him being present. It has been 21 years and the pain of his absence still feels like the impact of flesh being burned by fire. It makes me ball in endless tears, and it makes me clutch my stomach with grief to still fight through the reality of not having my first love, my resolute advocate, my protector, my basketball coach, my mechanic teacher, my life trainer, and my best friend not here in the flesh. The silence of his absence travels loudly to my heart with piercing infliction; an infliction that awakens every fiber of my being like the peering of the sun through the clouds at daybreak. Thus, it’s shocking how one life can have such impact on another in such a short period of time.
Real fathers are strong creatures that symbolize the epitome of courage, strength, power, and perfection. They are the inner voice that you hear when decisions outside of parental view are present. Thus, fathers are the closest thing to a human deity that exists on earth. Moreover, the reality of it all is that the immortal perception of fathers blinds you to the idea and/or reality that he too will one day be absent; absent from vision by way of the human eye; absent from the human touch; and absent from the tangible-ness of existence.
Every year on this day, Father’s Day, the same script occurs for me. I begrudgingly roll of out bed and send out the two to three Happy Father’s Day text messages to men that I acknowledge as being real fathers. Note that my criteria isn’t high at all. It only consists of one variable, and that’s consistent “time,” aka consistency. After I get out those messages, I bury myself in work or regular Sunday television shows that I know won’t cut me with Father’s Day messaging or content. I try my very best to avoid those. However, what I can’t avoid are those small moments of silence that exist between changing the television station or walking to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Those small moments force me to recognize the reality of the day…..that he’s not here…that I can’t hug him or kiss him or laugh over a good meal with him that he would cook himself (my father was an excellent cook). Those quick thoughts quickly triggers my brain to activate an emotional reaction; usually in the form of HUGE rain drop tears. However, despite his absence on this day and how much I despise it, I do have an exceptional appreciation for once having him and for being able to observe and experience the strength and love of such an incredible creature.
Further, what I’ve come to realize over these years of not having my Dad around is that a good father adds special value to a life; especially the life of a daughter. It’s a Wo-man’s secret ingredient. Every single girl should have those supernatural feelings and magical experiences about their father. It helps to define the depth of our confidence and the value of our worth; and in turn the chart of our life’s path.
I would like to send out a virtual “Happy Father’s Day” to all of the fathers that are present AND active in your child(ren’s) life. You are important to those lives, you matter to those lives, you are those lives. The lives of children are mold-able yet precious. Please handle them with care by being there.
Salute & Love